My Story

When you’re a sex therapist, one of the many (many) questions people ask you at parties is “why?”.

If I could talk to my teenage self, she would be shocked to know my chosen career. I grew up in a sex-negative environment, influenced by purity culture. From a young age, I internalized the rules of being a “good girl,” not the least of which demanded no sex before marriage.

As I got older—I moved away for school, studied psychology, fell in love, had sex—I started to untangle the messages I had been force-fed about sexuality and relationships. I felt plagued by the thought, did having sex really make me a bad person?

The Venn diagram of sex and shame became one big circle when I was sexually assaulted in my early twenties. As most survivors do, I fully blamed myself. I was in crisis, feeling that the realm of sexuality had caused me nothing but pain. I remember saying to my therapist, “I just wish sex wasn’t a thing.”

As a part of my healing process, I sought out all of the books, podcasts, and courses I could find on sexuality. I started to understand the harmful systems in our culture which perpetuate sexual violence against women, and particularly women of colour. I began to find empowerment through using my voice. I wrote online about my assault, and pursued a master’s degree in counselling psychology where I interviewed sexual assault survivors for my thesis. I started to learn that pleasure is healing—be it through food, or rest, or orgasms—that I was worthy of feeling all the beautiful sensations my body was capable of. I realized I wanted to train to be a sex therapist to help others emancipate themselves from shame.